Jack’s Not-So-Great Business Exit: A Tale of 5 Stages of Grief

Meet Jack. Jack is the proud owner of a thriving business—or at least, he thought he was when he planned for a Great Business Exit. For years, Jack built his company from the ground up, feeling like the king of the castle. Profits were high, customers were happy, and Jack was ready to sell for big money and sail off into the sunset.

But there was just one little problem… Jack forgot one small detail: He never actually prepared his business for sale. Yikes. Now it’s worth a fraction of what he imagined. Let’s walk with Jack as he navigates the five stages of grief after discovering his dream exit isn’t exactly a goldmine…

Stage 1: Denial

Jack: “What do you mean my company’s worth less than a second-hand toaster? There must be a mistake. We’re thriving! Look at my fancy logo! My customers love me! The market just isn’t recognizing true value yet.”

Jack spends hours refreshing his email, certain that the real offers will start pouring in any minute…but the inbox remains suspiciously empty.

Stage 2: Anger

Jack: “This is a conspiracy! Who undervalued my business? Did Gary from accounting sabotage me? It’s the economy! No—it’s those millennials and their avocado toast ruining the market!”

Jack furiously updates his LinkedIn profile, telling anyone who’ll listen that he was “robbed of his well-earned exit strategy.” (Spoiler: No one buys it.)

Stage 3: Bargaining

Jack: “Okay, okay, maybe the company isn’t perfect. But I’ll slap on some quick updates—change the website font, throw in a new slogan, and BAM! Instant value boost. Who wouldn’t pay a premium for that?”

Jack starts Googling “How to make a business look valuable overnight” and considers adding “Blockchain” to his company name.

Stage 4: Depression

Jack: Sigh. “I’ll never retire. I’m going to be here forever. My dreams of sipping piña coladas on a beach are gone. The only thing I’m sipping is this cold cup of coffee.”

Cue sad piano music as Jack stares out of his office window, wondering where it all went wrong. He even contemplates going back to a 9-to-5 job… until he remembers he hasn’t updated his résumé in 15 years.

Stage 5: Acceptance

Jack: “Alright, it’s not the multi-million-dollar exit I imagined, but hey—this business has been good to me. Time to roll up my sleeves, get the business into shape, and sell it for what it’s actually worth.”

With a deep breath and a newfound sense of calm, Jack hires a consultant, cleans up the books, and gets to work. He may not be cashing in on a private island, but a nice little condo near the golf course doesn’t sound too bad after all.

Moral of the story: If you want to sell your business and have a Great Business Exit, don’t be like Jack. Start planning ahead, so you can exit with a smile (and maybe even that beachfront villa). If you are looking to sell Contact Purple Turtle Investments now!